Powerfull Ian McKellan voice: Timothée SHALL YOU MAY NOT!!!!!

Ah, the sweet gentle sounds of the majestic Pickleballer returning to court, filling the crisp morning air as the frost retreats; truly Spring is near

One benefit of being on the brink of nuclear war is that the Polymarket betting odds of a nuclear bomb drop might creep closer to 50-50, which means no insider traitor stands to make a megafuckton of money, which might dissuade the droppinïżŒg of the bomb!ïżŒ

It’s called a ‘beret’ because you are guaranteed to get ‘berated’ by your friends for even thinking you might be able to pull one off

Ever since I was a small child I knew I wanted to spend my time online calling out nitwits and professional agitators for using unlabeled AI to make disingenuous arguments in order to manipulate the public discourse

What we need is more RAWK in the Super Bowl! Here’s a list of a half-dozen culturally irrelevant rawk bands I thought were cool when I was 14 and still do because deep down I am a child and the world is very scary to me

You make fun of people falling for “thirst traps,” but people are THIRSTY! You can DIE of thirst! Have a little compassion

Hard to believe there was a time in which the world was in such relative stability that a ridiculous Norwegian song called ‘What Does the Fox Say?’ could tear up the global charts and we all danced with flowers in our hair and laughed and laughed and laughed

People stopped saying ‘Happy New Year!’ around Day 3 of 2026, in case you were wondering how it’s been going

We’re living in historic times. Don’t let your future-self be disappointed that you didn’t do more.

The holiday season officially ends when you take all the beautiful cards your friends sent you, sharing love, joy, dreams, reflections, and excitement for the new year, and throw them in the trash can

When MAGA said they were going to “bring back manufacturing,” what they meant was ‘manufactured controversies’

Ironic that the people most critical of Rama Duwaji’s boots are the same people who most love licking boots

Dry January starting with a long weekend; feels like we’re gonna lose some soldiers on the front lines, captain

‘Merry Christmas’ is short for Meriadoc Brandybuck Christmas

PSA: only a few days left to ‘drive enterprise adoption,’ ‘streamline agentic workflows,’ ‘implement scalable solutions,’ and ‘transform unstructured data into actionable business insights,’ so let’s end the year strong, people! đŸ’Ș

The only thing Apple Intelligence has been good for is letting me know at a glance if the dozen texts from my wife are because she’s mad at me or just needs some things from the grocery store

The best part of being an actor must be when you have to put on weight for a role; crushing Little Debbie like it’s your job (it is)

I’m like your least favorite poster’s least favorite poster

When somebody says “you’re one in a million,” what they’re really saying is “there are at least 8,200 people exactly like you, you unoriginal doorknob”