Mark Zuckerberg buying a $23 million home in Washington to curry favor with Trump, is the financial equivalent to me buying a Lego Batmobile to curry favor with my four-year-old


Beatles hot take: ‘Let it Be… Naked’ is so vastly superior to ‘Let it Be’ that the original is irrelevant, except as a historical archive


Hot Wheels really has the market cornered on the $1-2 toy you can get for your kid to avoid a public meltdown in Target


The first real crack in reality occurred sometime around 2003 when we collectively accepted that the word ‘literally’ meant both ‘literally’ and ‘not literally’


The greatest lie the devil ever told is that the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup


One cool thing about Google Docs document history is it doesn’t log which of your coworkers switched your Paged doc to Pageless (it was me)


How do I get the Stone Cold Steve Austin theme to play every time I enter a Zoom meeting


Your coworker’s a 10 but they don’t default to Pageless Google Docs


Not to give MrBeast any ideas, but he could probably launch a nationwide Easter Egg hunt and watch half of America murder each other for the chance to find a cheap dozen


Remember the Vision Pro?


One cool thing about having Italian ancestry is it grants you unimpeachable license to pronounce mozzarella as “MOOT-ZA-RELLLLLLLE 🤌🤌🤌”


Drastic times call for drastic measures.

It’s time to launch Operation GOATSE: Government Overreach and Authoritarian Threat Safegarding Effort


“This is not who we are as a nation…” whimpers Dem leadership as Lara Trump installed as Chief Justice of the Supreme Leader of the United States of X


What do people with photographic memories do with all those 2FA codes?


Don’t worry guys, we’ve only got 207 more weeks of the second Trump presidency to go—we’re 0.48% of the way there!


Kinda funny how MAGA lunatic Billy Ray Cyrus’ late-career revival was catalyzed entirely by riding the coattails of a fabulous queer black dude


REAL EYES REALIZE KPIs

(me trying my hardest to focus at work)


Living in New York is like: “is that Natasha Lyonne or just someone who looks like Natasha Lyonne?” over and over every day


Extremely excited to import all the Switch games I bought but never played to my Switch 2 where I also will not play them


I will stomp over every one of you mfing goombas to get my hands on a Switch 2