I love Thanksgiving mostly as a demonstration of mammalian phylogenetic dominance over the dinosaurs by ritually gobbling upon their most absurd descendant

One day in the not so distant future, everyone will claim to have always been anti-Trump.

Yet another reminder that the world is run by disgusting men strategically concealing each other’s secrets.

Maybe people making $1M/year can cut down on their White Alba Truffle Kaluga Caviar 24-Karat Gold Leaf Jamón Ibérico de Bellota Aged Balsamic Fleur de Sel Avocado Toast

That billionaires, and even potential trillionaires, still feel the need to post is proof that no amount of money can equal the feeling of social validation that comes from dropping a single banger

Due to inflation, Americans now see themselves as temporarily embarrassed billionaires

Men would rather subscribe to a humanoid robot that’s really just some guy named Miroslav in an Oculus headset in Serbia who does their chores than go to therapy

NYC: Where it costs a lot to live in conservative heads rent-free

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again! You know how easily it is to fool me, NOT COOL

Refrigerators refrigerate. Toasters toast. Flowers
???

It’s better to have Louvred and lost than to never have Louvred before

The Guitar Hero/Rock Band Era was the zenith of technological progress and we should have just stopped there

There is a stockpile of nuclear takes in my drafts that while I would never post, I keep as a threat to deter aggression from other posters. Do not test me

Clearest sign that we live in a software simulation is that programming the ideal human-preferred room temp to 69°F is absolutely something an edgelord simulation dev would do

WHAT IF: Peter Thiel’s ‘Antichrist’ course is just an strategic SEO-play so when you google ‘Peter Thiel Antichrist’ you get deflection lectures instead of the in fact that he is indeed in league with the Antichrist

ANC so good you’ll miss every subway announcement and wind up on the other side of the city

“Michelangelo’s David” is apparently an unrealistic fitness goal, according to my trainer

Not even rose-colored glasses will allow me to look back on this period in America with rose-colored glasses

BREAKING: The Hamburgler is suing McDonalds for eleventy gajillion McNuggets

We could be spending our days posting about lunch, puppies, “what’s the deal with corn nuts,” etc. etc., but no they had to do a fascism