Can’t believe so much of modern cuisine is dependent entirely on the deposits from a chicken’s cluckhole

I once had a friend who literally only owned metal T-shirts. He did not own a single shirt that was not a metal T-shirt.

Most days he would typically wear Slayer, but for fancy occasions he’d break out his finest Def Leppard.

In the spring you dress like an Easter egg In the fall, you dress like a leaf

Physical copies of The New Yorker delivered straight to my door? Ugh, so tired of performative mail

Notes either go up or they go down, they either stop or they keep going. Tired of music, too predictable

One of these days I’m gonna have to decide if I’m gonna be a ‘Hawaiian Shirt Every Day’ old man, a ‘Colorful-Rimmed Glasses’ old man, or an ‘Iguana On The Shoulder’ old man

Your body is a temple. An ancient, crumbing, probably haunted temple

Asking someone what they do for a living: so what kind of stuff do you type in your Google docs during the day?

Sometimes I miss the pandemic, I’m like an 8 or a 9 with a mask, hat, and sunglasses on

If I was an incel edge-lord vibe coder in charge of programming the parameters of the Simulation we undoubtedly all live in, I too would make 69° the ideal human room temp

Dudes will literally start a band just so they can stand back-to-back and lean on each other while playing their guitars in harmony

Love when Instagram decides to randomly shuffle the suggested contact DM list, like sure I’ll send this brain rot meme to my ex-roommate’s best friend’s pet parrot’s IG account, why not

Not to brag, but ChatGPT just said I had a great idea 😎

Every woman and child in America should file a restraining order against Donald Trump

Getting to know my new Agentic AI Assistant by asking it to play ‘Two Truths & a Lie,’ or as the AI likes to describe it: ‘Three Truths’

Me at work: I may not have good jeans, but I do have great Slacks

One thing I love about having close friends who are brilliant, successful, Titans of their field, etc. is that I also know privately and deep down what big ole dummies they (and we all) are

As soon as I have infinite time, energy, and resources, it’s over for you mfers

Meta COULD ship a feature that warns you you’re about to send a Reel right back to the friend that literally just sent it to you, yet every day they DON’T.

Think about it. Go for a walk. Think about it again.

AI-powered kitty litter, who even cares any more