I’m like a werewolf but instead of the full moon it’s the work week that turns me into a monster

One thing I do miss from the era of physical media was how you could go to the house of a person you’ve never really met and quickly scan their CD tower to instantly get a complete read on who they really are

Kinda sad that the honeymoon period for the MAGA chuds who bought Cybertrucks is so deeply and pitifully over, in that they’re no longer “sticking it to ‘em!” every time they climb into their corroding industrial refrigerator on wheels, they’re just
 forced to drive a shitty car

Me: Asking the Canadian Pirate if he uses ChatGPT

Him: “AI? Aye, eh
”

Got an idea, an APP
 for everything

We can make fun of tech founders for inventing the bus every few years, but that pales in comparison to inventing the entire concept of “work”

Remind me to never be an attractive woman in tech, sounds awful

Call it what it is (asking your friends to help you move by promising them a couple 6-packs and a cheese pizza): IT’S A BRIBE

I’m not one to throw perfectly working electronics into the ocean just for the sake of convenience, but I will say that I cannot wait for the day I no longer have a single Micro USB-charging device in my household

Growing up, my Dad’s rule for using the phone on the weekends was “don’t call anyone before 10am on Saturdays, and don’t call anyone before 11am on Sundays.”

Times have certainly changed—now the rule is “don’t call anyone ever for any reason whatsoever”

Most attractive thing a human can do in public* is be seen deeply engrossed in a physical book.

*except of course for whatever twisted thing you’re thinking of right now, gross ew

Wait, so getting a promotion you have to work more??

“Congratulations, sucker!!”

You don’t just come into this earth posting. You have to live, have experiences, love, loss, love again—only then can you truly post.

Mark Zuckerberg buying a $23 million home in Washington to curry favor with Trump, is the financial equivalent to me buying a Lego Batmobile to curry favor with my four-year-old

Beatles hot take: ‘Let it Be
 Naked’ is so vastly superior to ‘Let it Be’ that the original is irrelevant, except as a historical archive

Hot Wheels really has the market cornered on the $1-2 toy you can get for your kid to avoid a public meltdown in Target

The first real crack in reality occurred sometime around 2003 when we collectively accepted that the word ‘literally’ meant both ‘literally’ and ‘not literally’

The greatest lie the devil ever told is that the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup

One cool thing about Google Docs document history is it doesn’t log which of your coworkers switched your Paged doc to Pageless (it was me)

How do I get the Stone Cold Steve Austin theme to play every time I enter a Zoom meeting