Remind me to never be an attractive woman in tech, sounds awful

Call it what it is (asking your friends to help you move by promising them a couple 6-packs and a cheese pizza): IT’S A BRIBE

I’m not one to throw perfectly working electronics into the ocean just for the sake of convenience, but I will say that I cannot wait for the day I no longer have a single Micro USB-charging device in my household

Growing up, my Dad’s rule for using the phone on the weekends was “don’t call anyone before 10am on Saturdays, and don’t call anyone before 11am on Sundays.”

Times have certainly changed—now the rule is “don’t call anyone ever for any reason whatsoever”

Most attractive thing a human can do in public* is be seen deeply engrossed in a physical book.

*except of course for whatever twisted thing you’re thinking of right now, gross ew

Wait, so getting a promotion you have to work more??

“Congratulations, sucker!!”

You don’t just come into this earth posting. You have to live, have experiences, love, loss, love again—only then can you truly post.

Mark Zuckerberg buying a $23 million home in Washington to curry favor with Trump, is the financial equivalent to me buying a Lego Batmobile to curry favor with my four-year-old

Beatles hot take: ‘Let it Be
 Naked’ is so vastly superior to ‘Let it Be’ that the original is irrelevant, except as a historical archive

Hot Wheels really has the market cornered on the $1-2 toy you can get for your kid to avoid a public meltdown in Target

The first real crack in reality occurred sometime around 2003 when we collectively accepted that the word ‘literally’ meant both ‘literally’ and ‘not literally’

The greatest lie the devil ever told is that the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup

One cool thing about Google Docs document history is it doesn’t log which of your coworkers switched your Paged doc to Pageless (it was me)

How do I get the Stone Cold Steve Austin theme to play every time I enter a Zoom meeting

Your coworker’s a 10 but they don’t default to Pageless Google Docs

Not to give MrBeast any ideas, but he could probably launch a nationwide Easter Egg hunt and watch half of America murder each other for the chance to find a cheap dozen

Remember the Vision Pro?

One cool thing about having Italian ancestry is it grants you unimpeachable license to pronounce mozzarella as “MOOT-ZA-RELLLLLLLE đŸ€ŒđŸ€ŒđŸ€Œâ€

Drastic times call for drastic measures.

It’s time to launch Operation GOATSE: Government Overreach and Authoritarian Threat Safegarding Effort

“This is not who we are as a nation
” whimpers Dem leadership as Lara Trump installed as Chief Justice of the Supreme Leader of the United States of X