America is a monster

There was a sense of bemused detachment in 2016 as the win seemed like a fluke, that a lot of people YOLO-voted ïżŒwithout any real idea or expectation for what it meant.

That absolutely cannot be said about today.

We all know who he is. We all know what he’s going to do. And so much of this country either doesn’t care, and/or expects Jesus to return, and/or plans to profit immensely on the carnage.

The American ‘experiment’ has mutated into something grotesque.

ïżŒAmerica is a monster.

And what now—we have to slowly rebuild enthusiasm for the next go around?

I’m sick to my stomach. But also deeply afraid for my friends in communities who will inevitably feel the brunt of the carnage to come.

I cried a bit walking past school children this morning, too young to know what just happened. The light of hope and dreams still in their eyes, on this 79° day in November.

I’m so sorry.

Feeling gratitude that Cybertruck owners have but one vote 🙏

“Are you better off than you were 4 years ago?”

BEHOLD: the mystical amulet that wards away donation texts
 find one at your nearest polling place


The ‘270 to to Win’ map is like March Madness for people who were almost certainly the recipient of at least one atomic wedgie in elementary school

I am extremely, distressingly, disturbingly, self-destructively online, and I have never heard of this squirrel.

But sure MAGA, this should absolutely be your closing argument to the American people. Gonna work wonders.

“Our polling is a little different. We take polling, but we also combine it with AI, which
”

I’m gonna stop you right there, Kari Lake. You gonna lose.

It’s also a vote:

  • for much less dramala
  • to heal the traumala
  • the Oxford commala
  • potent marijuanala
  • vacations in the Bahamalas
  • ‘In Utero’ by Nirvanala
  • Task management with Asanala

It will be interesting to see if a President Harris enters her first term as an Obama-like ‘uniter of a divided nation,’ or a law & order President committed to bringing to justice those responsible for exploiting and breaking laws that led us to this point in the first place

So many ‘Secret Family Recipes Passed Down from Generation to Generation’ are just whatever happened to be on the back of the Betty Crocker box on May 10th, 1953

Here’s how it plays out:

  • Trump loses the election
  • Elon loses his citizenship
  • Trump imprisoned
  • Elon imprisoned
  • Tucker Carlson’s demon manifests on earth and devours all Republicans
  • Turns out that was The Rapture
  • Talking Heads reunite for a dance party that lasts 10,000 years

A fun thing to think about is how of the approximately 3 million rats in New York City, there is one rat that is the biggest one of them all, and it is sitting somewhere right now, at this moment, breathing deeply in and out, quietly chanting your name


FaceID is the sole judge of Halloween costumes.

If you’re being forced to enter your password, congrats: you’ve done a good job.

I hope y’all are looking at your spouses the same way some y’all looking at these M4 MacBook Pros

Reflecting on the fact that studies consistently show that immigrants—including the undocumented—are less likely to commit crimes than U.S.-born citizens.

“Our profession is now the least trusted of all. Something we are doing is clearly not working.”

Who else is excited for President Harris to DRAIN THE SWAMP

I cannot begin to describe to you how satisfying this thing was to flip open and slam closed.

“If you want something you’ve never had, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done” is the most terrifying yet 100% accurate aphorism I’ve ever come across. It both keeps me up all night, and motivates me all day.

As soon as I organize my notes into a hybrid system combining elements from the Johnny Decimal methodology and the PARA approach as devised by Tiago Forte its over for you bıtches